Submarine Sex Entertains Daily Mail Readers

The Daily Mail has published a leaked story about the Royal Navy’s nuclear missile submarine HMS Valiant.  The Mail talks of it as a “party boat”, with cocaine use and illicit sex.

One can imagine the gleeful enthusiasm with which the Daily Mail developed this story: nuclear warheads, rampant sex, drugs, irate wives, the Senior Service, the Captain’s safe containing the Last Resort Armageddon letters from the Prime Minister, the red nuclear warhead firing trigger… too good to be true in newspaper terms.

The Daily Mail quotes outraged senior naval officers quoting Admiral the Lord Nelson; and reports that the Defence Secretary is furiously demanding drug testing for everybody else in the Royal Navy.  In newspaper terms it’s the “Navy Lark” – spun in such a way as to wind up everybody from CND to the saltiest of anti-women-in-the-Navy diehards. They even quote “Naval wives” who say they predicted this sort of thing especially in submarines.

Whereas….drug and alcohol abuse in the military is a command problem – at the very highest level. With the UK Government being so irresponsible with defence generally – and the Royal Navy specifically, I feel really bad for people serving at the moment.

Regardless of whatever actually happened here, and nothing is proven apart from the drug tests, the matelots and officers (especially of nuclear submarines) are very carefully selected, and highly trained.

It seems that a whistle-blower complained of sex on board Valiant (which is illegal): specifically of one affair – or possibly two.  It should be emphasised that there has been no question sexual harassment; rather one (or two) alleged affairs (by mutual consent – as it were).

So the Regulators (naval police) and Service Investigation Bureau (SIB) turfed the entire crew out of their boat – all of them in disgrace. The were all sent ashore, to stay in US hotels alongside in Florida, while the alleged affairs were investigated.

The SIB also ordered Valiant’s crew to delete their social media accounts.  This in itself, smacks to me of cover-up.  But not before the Daily Mail had downloaded photographs of the two allegedly offending female officers.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been investigated by the SIB, but it ain’t fun – and very heavy-handed.  So, surprise surprise, some of the untried and yet disgraced crew went on the piss – and nine out of the 168 succumbed to the attentions of local coke dealers.

The Mail talks of ‘parties’ – whereas this drug test positive  could have resulted from just the one occasion. It does not, as implied in the article, mean rampant drug-taking on the submarine. Or indeed any drug-taking or partying on the submarine.

Furthermore it does not prove that drugs were taken when on patrol.  It does however show that having been ejected from their submarine and put into crummy Floridean seaport hotels, nine out of the extremely pissed-off 168 person crew – who had hitherto committed no crime – made the mistake of snorting enough cocaine to register on a drugs test (which isn’t very much…).

Service men and women not allowed to take drugs.  So they deserve their dismissals.  But as I said earlier,  drug use is a command responsibility at the very highest levels – including the ‘outraged’ Secretary of State.

The Daily Mail article published two photographs of female naval officers – one at least looking like a download  from social media, of the females alleged to have conducted illicit affairs.  This is very definitely outrageous.

The sailor who went AWOL seemed to me to be totally sick of the whole thing and legged it back to UK for a bit of sanity with his girl friend. I don’t blame him.

And now the Daily Mail is pillorying them all – naming and shaming, when nothing has so far been proved. And the military authorities are in full-on cover-up / blame-everybody-but-ourselves mode.

I wonder who leaked all this to the Mail?

3 thoughts on “Submarine Sex Entertains Daily Mail Readers”

  1. Geordie Pete Moore commented: ”

    Great article Hugh,

    It takes two to tango, women have made huge strides to become equal to their male counterparts, in my eyes they always were equal however on a “submarine” full of fit hot blooded males is it not just asking for this kind of sexual behaviour. After all women have needs as do men. So we have all joked in the past about the Navy being “Gay” maybe we should keep it that way if we cannot work together without these kind of stories breaking, That is a decision for the powers that be but somehow I don’t think even the bravest commander would choose that route.

    Secrets how ever small they are need to be kept secret and so do rumours unless it is a form of harassment. As for the drug taking, well generations are changing. with the invention of social media making it very easy to locate whatever flicks your switch at the touch of a button.

    Solution ? Ban all mobile phones on military bases as they do at many distribution centres around the country (it’s all too easy to send a message to a female or male counterpart in the early hours when they are both feeling a temptation not to mention the security threat).

    Bring back jails on military bases for minor offences for quick sharp shock treatment and commanders need to instal the what happens on tour stays on tour attitude. Good luck with that one.

    It’s a sad state of affairs

  2. Thanks Pete.

    Higher command is usually way behind when it come to social media and civvie practice – which they really should not be. Keeping up should be all part of ensuring that you know the people you are commanding.

    Of course if the Captain of Valiant was sexually involved with one of his officers, that’s totally disgraceful and he deserves to be drummed out of the Service. Equally on the drug charges.

    But this is private business until it’s case proven and court martial complete. The SIB now need to find whoever leaked this to the Daily Mail, and get them in front of a Court Martial asap.

    Unless of course, the leaker was responding to a cover-up attempt – leaking to make sure this highly embarrassing case wasn’t swept under the carpet…? I very doubt this, but with some of today’s senior officers seeming to be more self-serving than ever – and the totally self-serving politicians they work for, who can tell?

  3. Richard Crabtree


    Nice blog! Sorry to derail the thread here, but I read Scars of War 20 odd years ago and since then I have often thought back to that series of photos in it of an ambush in Vietnam where one of the guys appears to be sitting disinterestedly when everyone else was fighting for their lives (my recollection is that they were overrun and the camera was recovered later?). I’m going to buy the Kindle edition just now, but assuming it will not have the photos in it, could you point me to where those photos are online (if they are available of course)?

    Keep up the good work!


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