Oil versus Communism
But if you can’t get them to agree, does that mean you don’t do it? Answer: of course not – if you’re one of the Good Guys, meaning that you only intervene in other people’s countries for reasons that are Good. You just crack on – and get Britain to come along with you to share the blame – or your Oldest Ally which is France, even though you know that they’re cheese-eating surrender monkeys. Hang on a minute – wasn’t there some problem about invading Syria with the French? Or was that Libya? Whatever, they’re all pretty much the same anyway.
Invading other people’s countries is usually to do with Democracy – which is a Very Good thing and must be imposed on other countries whenever possible. (Sorry, I should have said “intervening”.) People in other countries are ill-educated and often don’t realise just how good Democracy actually is. Despite having cable tv. There’s also quite often very large oil deposits in the region.
But you can’t be allowing other countries to do this sort of thing. That’s the road to chaos, and anyway the USA is the Leader of the Free World – which means they get to decide when the job’s done and the war’s won (there’s a slogan there – maybe even a song). Afghanistan is going to be one huge great success story just as soon as US forces are out of there. You’d better believe it.
And one thing you really really can’t allow is for them Commies to get back into the game. They’re all the same in that part of the world, but those Ukrainians are really trying hard to kick the habit – to join Europe and Nato and everything. Communism is like a drug, and we’re fighting a War against Drugs. We just say No. To both. You know it makes sense.
But we’ll win. We got the Commies surrounded by missiles, and Nato forces are all ready. That KGB man Putin can say all he likes about ethnic Russians being killed in eastern Ukraine, or that they won’t pay their gas bill. But it’s easy to see through all his lies. He really wants Ukraine’s oil. It’s the only reason for all this. Or maybe it’s their shale gas deposits… or their fifteen nuclear reactors. And it’ll be Finland next. They’ve got oil too. (Well not actually in Finland. The oil field they’re developing is Shapkino in north-west Russia – but that’s just a geographical detail.)